Nevertheless, since somebody got upset about something I wrote here although I have no idea what was supposed to be so bad that it got this person upset, I will bow and get rid of it. Self-censorship. Just as bad. Now I hope this person will be happy and forgive me for whatever I did wrong.
At first I thought "who are you to tell me what I can write in my blog which very few people will see anyway?" It's not like sky-writing where the whole world sees it. The only people who see a blog are those who were given the site and the very few who will run across it by accident and find the title intriguing enough to keep reading, and I doubt that this would be more than one or two. Most people won't even know what "ruminations" are. I gave this site to less than 10 people and I doubt that even half of them have ever read it, much less keep on reading it, to most of them the stuff I write they think is too esoteric (not).
But then I thought, why upset this person, get rid of the part of the blog that causes such turmoil and be done with it. I just won't mention this person ever again.
So with a few lines and the "delete" button everything should be good in the world again. Aren't computers wonderful that you can do that?
So, now I feel better, this now unknown person will feel better (I hope) and life goes on.
Another time I will write about what I really think about censorship and the evil it brings.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Where Is All My Money Going?
Just when I think everything is finally going to be alright I have another car repair. This time it's a fuel pump, pretty scary. It made this low humming sound, didn't sound bad but had to be looked after. There went another $350.00. So now I am really broke. Could only pay $300.00 on the credit card instead of $500.00 as I had planned. Oh well. (That's becoming quite a phrase of mine.) The mechanic said I also need a power steering pump replaced as the power steering is making a scraping noise every time I make a turn if I let the fluid go too low, but can wait a few months as long as I make sure that the fluid level is ok.
I will just have to be VERY frugal this month. Oh well.
I will just have to be VERY frugal this month. Oh well.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
my place, my new friends, whatever and thoughts about Phaedra vs. "T"
The furniture is here and it is lovely, comfortable and BIG! Why does it always look so much smaller in the store than when you bring it home? That happened to me once before when I had them pick it up 2 days later, it was just too big. Now I'm glad I did, I can't even imagine living in that stuff for any length of time. That's why I like mail order, particularly for clothes. I can look at it day after day, no pressure, before I finally decide I want it. That's kind of hard with furniture though, you really have to see that, sit in it, roll on it etc. But now that I have the sofa I really do like it. The tapestry pattern is more pronounced than I thought, but still subtle. I can dress it up formal with fancy pillows or casual with Europaean type embroidered pillows, IKEA still is my best friend for that. Everybody who has seen my new sofa says it is just beautiful. How truthful they are remains to be seen. But at least I am pleased.
The cats have decided the back of it is a highway. So I have put some phony sheepskin (from IKEA, where elsae?) on the back of the sofa so their little feet won't make it dirty. Better than antimaccassars, that's just too old-fashioned although it surely did the trick against greasy heads messing up the back of the sofa or big easy chairs. I will keep these phony long-haired white furs on the back of the sofa for every day and whip them off for company. It will also keep the cats from scratching the backs of the sofa. If I am going to live with this for 10 years or more I will want to keep it nice.
The big chair still looks BIG. A friend said it looks like THE QUEEN'S CHAIR., implying that I am the queen, that it makes a statement. True, and it IS comfortable and I like to sit in it, put my feet up, but it still looks too big for this room. I'd like to put it someplace else but can't as the place where it should be is taken up by the front door. Oh well. I can't turn everything around either, I tried and that looked worse. The only other way blocks the A/C so for the summer that won't work. I might have to have a summer and a winter arrangement for my furniture. Oh well, some people cover their furniture with chintz for the summer and leave it "naked" for the winter: I'll just re-arrange the whole living room.
I am hoping to move from this apartment by next October anyway as it is just too dark here and I don't know if my landlady will spring for a "Solatube" although I offered to pay for half of it, and it is too close to the freeway and thus too noisy and dirty. Unbelievable how much noise there is from the freeway, it never stops, not even at night, during the day it sounds sort of like a waterfall and you can ignore it. At night you really need some kind of white noise, I run a fan, so that helps a lot. But the dirt is something else. Most places dust is sort of beige, this dust is black. And I am breathing this stuff. So are the cats. That can't be wholesome.
I wish I could have moved this Oct but my finances just won't hold it. So I bought furniture instead and got my car done and am trying to talk my landlady into a Solatube. At least she didn't outright say NO, as she knows how dark this place is, she'll run it by her son first, for which I don't blame her, she's 85 years old and doesn 't wanrt to spend her money on something that does not benefit her. As dark as this place is she has a hard time renting it out, a Solatube makes it much lighter and thus easier to rent once I leave. And leave I will. I'll just stay in this community, I like it here, the rent is reasonable, the amenities are fabulous, the place is pretty safe, what more can ask I for?
New friend.
My best friend's daughter as my friend whom I had known since she was 19 had passed away last October. This young lady is about to turn 24 and has declared that since I have known her since she was born that I am more than a "friend" but more like family and that she will introduce me to her "friends" who are really just acquaintances as her "godmother". That felt kind of weird at first because of the religious overtones, but is starting to feel comfortable. She actually likes to hang out with me, it doesn't cost her anything but the gas to get here, there is no pressure to "do" anything , I AM a connection to her dead mother as she has no relatives here in California. As my children have known her mother since they were very young they also accept "T", as I will call her here, as one of their's. Although the age difference is significant, they and I regard her as more as MY friend age-wise than as that of their own children's age which it really is.
I enjoy T's companionship, and I know she is learning things from me simply by being around me. She is living with a roommate who is a long way from ideal, having a cat that she neglects, and a dog who has fleas that she takes with her while leaving the cat alone for days on end. So T is the cat's best company as she is there more than the cat's real owner. On the other hand T should not be expected to then take care of the cat's needs such as keeping the litter box neat. I feel sorry for the cat and would "cat-nap" it if I did not already have 4 cats of my own. So T wants her own place ASAP and wants me to help her find one and help her furnish it. As I do not have any idea what kind of things she has in storage, most of what had been her mother's, I told her she should get her own place first, get her stuff out of storage and then see what she needs. IKEA will be a good place for her to get the "stuff" she needs, also Big Lots!, Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond and similar stores. But first she will need to know what she has and then what she truly needs, otherwise she will end up with duplicates.
I am definitely willing to help her with that, she is sort of like my late daughter although that one was quite a bit older although not as mature due to her various medical problems. It's almost like having a daughter back without the medical problems which kept her immature and dependent on others. P, my daughter, has been gone for over 4 years, the pain is gone, nobody will ever replace her, but having T in my life, kind of makes me have my daughter back. I would like to shower her with the things my daughter enjoyed but died too young to really have: jewelry, good food, concerts, nice clothes that never go out of style, good company, concerts, an education, the "finer" things in life, the stuff that most people don't even see (close-by travel, museums), all the things that make life worth living by any standard, not just the "standard" of your ethnic group. But I don't want to take her individuality away, make her into a copy of my daughter, or even into a "White" girl which she will never be. Let her be a Black young woman with high morals, interests than go beyond ethnicity, ambitions that are allegedly "White" (what bunk!), and let her be successful in whatever she attempts to be. I will glory in whatever P could not be but that I wished her to be and have but perhaps T can. I will be equally proud.
The cats have decided the back of it is a highway. So I have put some phony sheepskin (from IKEA, where elsae?) on the back of the sofa so their little feet won't make it dirty. Better than antimaccassars, that's just too old-fashioned although it surely did the trick against greasy heads messing up the back of the sofa or big easy chairs. I will keep these phony long-haired white furs on the back of the sofa for every day and whip them off for company. It will also keep the cats from scratching the backs of the sofa. If I am going to live with this for 10 years or more I will want to keep it nice.
The big chair still looks BIG. A friend said it looks like THE QUEEN'S CHAIR., implying that I am the queen, that it makes a statement. True, and it IS comfortable and I like to sit in it, put my feet up, but it still looks too big for this room. I'd like to put it someplace else but can't as the place where it should be is taken up by the front door. Oh well. I can't turn everything around either, I tried and that looked worse. The only other way blocks the A/C so for the summer that won't work. I might have to have a summer and a winter arrangement for my furniture. Oh well, some people cover their furniture with chintz for the summer and leave it "naked" for the winter: I'll just re-arrange the whole living room.
I am hoping to move from this apartment by next October anyway as it is just too dark here and I don't know if my landlady will spring for a "Solatube" although I offered to pay for half of it, and it is too close to the freeway and thus too noisy and dirty. Unbelievable how much noise there is from the freeway, it never stops, not even at night, during the day it sounds sort of like a waterfall and you can ignore it. At night you really need some kind of white noise, I run a fan, so that helps a lot. But the dirt is something else. Most places dust is sort of beige, this dust is black. And I am breathing this stuff. So are the cats. That can't be wholesome.
I wish I could have moved this Oct but my finances just won't hold it. So I bought furniture instead and got my car done and am trying to talk my landlady into a Solatube. At least she didn't outright say NO, as she knows how dark this place is, she'll run it by her son first, for which I don't blame her, she's 85 years old and doesn 't wanrt to spend her money on something that does not benefit her. As dark as this place is she has a hard time renting it out, a Solatube makes it much lighter and thus easier to rent once I leave. And leave I will. I'll just stay in this community, I like it here, the rent is reasonable, the amenities are fabulous, the place is pretty safe, what more can ask I for?
New friend.
My best friend's daughter as my friend whom I had known since she was 19 had passed away last October. This young lady is about to turn 24 and has declared that since I have known her since she was born that I am more than a "friend" but more like family and that she will introduce me to her "friends" who are really just acquaintances as her "godmother". That felt kind of weird at first because of the religious overtones, but is starting to feel comfortable. She actually likes to hang out with me, it doesn't cost her anything but the gas to get here, there is no pressure to "do" anything , I AM a connection to her dead mother as she has no relatives here in California. As my children have known her mother since they were very young they also accept "T", as I will call her here, as one of their's. Although the age difference is significant, they and I regard her as more as MY friend age-wise than as that of their own children's age which it really is.
I enjoy T's companionship, and I know she is learning things from me simply by being around me. She is living with a roommate who is a long way from ideal, having a cat that she neglects, and a dog who has fleas that she takes with her while leaving the cat alone for days on end. So T is the cat's best company as she is there more than the cat's real owner. On the other hand T should not be expected to then take care of the cat's needs such as keeping the litter box neat. I feel sorry for the cat and would "cat-nap" it if I did not already have 4 cats of my own. So T wants her own place ASAP and wants me to help her find one and help her furnish it. As I do not have any idea what kind of things she has in storage, most of what had been her mother's, I told her she should get her own place first, get her stuff out of storage and then see what she needs. IKEA will be a good place for her to get the "stuff" she needs, also Big Lots!, Target, Bed, Bath and Beyond and similar stores. But first she will need to know what she has and then what she truly needs, otherwise she will end up with duplicates.
I am definitely willing to help her with that, she is sort of like my late daughter although that one was quite a bit older although not as mature due to her various medical problems. It's almost like having a daughter back without the medical problems which kept her immature and dependent on others. P, my daughter, has been gone for over 4 years, the pain is gone, nobody will ever replace her, but having T in my life, kind of makes me have my daughter back. I would like to shower her with the things my daughter enjoyed but died too young to really have: jewelry, good food, concerts, nice clothes that never go out of style, good company, concerts, an education, the "finer" things in life, the stuff that most people don't even see (close-by travel, museums), all the things that make life worth living by any standard, not just the "standard" of your ethnic group. But I don't want to take her individuality away, make her into a copy of my daughter, or even into a "White" girl which she will never be. Let her be a Black young woman with high morals, interests than go beyond ethnicity, ambitions that are allegedly "White" (what bunk!), and let her be successful in whatever she attempts to be. I will glory in whatever P could not be but that I wished her to be and have but perhaps T can. I will be equally proud.
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